Chapter 21
Escaping the Pain
Visitation day was the hardest day that I had to deal with. During the visit with Shaniqua, she told me what went on the night she was arrested. She told me that once they arrived at the spot, everyone got out of their cars and charged the other crew. Someone jumped her from behind and her first instinct was to shoot first and ask questions later. She admitted to pulling out her gun and then pulling the trigger. By the time they tried to run, the cops had pulled up and everyone was arrested. As the cops were putting the cuffs on her, they read her, her rights. The ironic thing was, the same cop she hired as the chemist was the same cop that arrested her. He told her before that he wasn’t going to rest until she was behind bars for good. Now he had her right were he wanted her, with a murder charge.
“Did they set your bail?” I asked.
“My bail was denied and they are charging me with first degree murder. The lawyer said he may be able to get me off if I plead guilty to insanity and self defense. If I do that, I will be convicted and I will still have to serve 5-7 years. The second option is to snitch out the crew that is running this whole operation. Of course I can’t tell them that I’m the leader of it all,” Shaniqua explained.
“Shaniqua, I need you to make the right choice,” I cried.
“I know, baby. I just need to sort through this and figure out what I am going to do,” Shaniqua replied.
“What happened to your protection against this kind of shit? I thought since you had the cops on payroll, any wrong you did would be wiped away? How much do we need to pay to get them off your back?” I asked.
“It’s not that simple, baby. We’re dealing with murder, and the cop that arrested me has been watching me since I walked the last time. Just my luck, I got cops who actually honor their job and follow that whole, “Protect and Serve” bullshit. This time, nothing is being wiped away. I have to serve the time. The one cop that I’m cool with told me I crossed the line with the whole murder thing. He said if this was my typical crime only dealing with the drugs, they would’ve let me off, but with this new cat on the beat, aint shit happening. This is serious, so there is no escaping it,” Shaniqua explained.
I lost it and broke down crying. Reality finally set in and I realized my future wife was never coming home. Shaniqua kissed me and sent me out to battle this drug game on my own.
For the most part, everything had been going good. I saw a lot of familiar faces and others I had not seen before. I had all the right connections to all the dealers in the industries. Nothing could possibly go wrong. My only motive was to keep my baby’s shit running. I wanted my girl to see that I was very reliable and trustworthy, so I had to keep my shit tight. Over the next few weeks, I did everything I could to make things run smoothly. I went to visit Shaniqua everyday and I never skipped a beat with counting or bagging up. I thought everything was going smoothly until I got the phone call of the century. I had Shaniqua’s cell phone. When it rang, I answered it as usual. There was a young women’s voice on the other end that sounded very familiar. I wanted to know who this person was and what she wanted. I disguised my voice and pretended to be Shaniqua.
“I’m sick. I need you to get to me right away,” she said.
She gave me the name of the place where she wanted to meet.
“I’ll be there in 10 minutes,” I told her.
I threw on some baggy jeans and a baseball cap to hide my identity. When I arrived at the location, I couldn’t believe who the women was I was suppose to be meeting. I stood there in shock and was speechless.
“Alexis, what the hell are you doing here? Why the fuck are you calling Shaniqua for drugs?” I asked, extremely angry.
Alexis looked at me with tears in her eyes and apologized for everything.
“I need help, Mo. I can’t help what I’m doing. I’m in too deep now,” Alexis cried.
This can't possibly be happening, I thought.
My sister looked very pail and sickly. She looked like she hadn’t eaten in weeks.
Why did this have to happen? Why did it have to be my sister of all people? That explains her asking for money that day, I thought to myself.
“Alexis, how long has this been going on? How long has Shaniqua been giving you this shit?” I asked.
“Mo, look, I don’t have time to sit here and listen to what you have to say. You are running around here sleeping with women and selling drugs. You have no room to judge me,” Alexis screamed.
I couldn't think. I damn sure didn't want to think about my sister being addicted to any drugs or how it was affecting her outside appearance. I was furious. I tried to control my temper or anything bad that I was getting ready to say or do. Every word that came out of that girl’s mouth made me madder. I wanted to wring her neck. Most importantly, I wanted to know what made her start doing drugs in the first place. There was no way I could see my sister hurting. I knew she was ill from wanting and needing the drugs. I had to do what I could to take away the pain. Right then, the only thing I could do was give her what she wanted. I handed Alexis two bags and she snatched them out of my hand and ran I broke down and started crying. I couldn’t believe I had just given my sister drugs.
The next day I quickly got dressed so I could confront Shaniqua. I had a lot of questions and I needed answers. In the sitting room there were husbands, sons, mothers, daughters and friends talking to the other inmates. Some were crying and others were laughing. When Shaniqua walked in I didn’t greet her with the normal hug and kiss. Shaniqua looked at me and asked me what was wrong. My first reaction was to spit in her face, but in reality all I wanted was for her to hold me and tell me everything would be ok. Of course that didn’t happen. Instead of spitting on Shaniqua, I smacked her.
“What the hell was that for?” she asked.
“Shaniqua, Alexis called your cell phone yesterday. She wanted to buy some stuff from you. I disguised myself and went to go meet her. When I saw her, she didn’t care that I was her sister. All she wanted was her drugs,” I explained.
“Mo, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Alexis came to me one day and asked me for $20.00. When I gave it to her, she ran across the street and copped from those young cats. She kept coming to me and asking me for money and I kept giving it to her. I knew I shouldn’t have given her money, but I’d rather give it to her, than have her go to desperate measures to get it,” Shaniqua explained.
“The day I saw her, the corner boys weren’t out. I guess it was too early for them or something. I tried to walk away before she saw me, but I didn’t move fast enough. She came begging me to help her. I swear I didn’t want to. I knew if I didn’t give it to her, she was going to get it from someone else that may harm her. I tried talking to her but nothing I said was sinking in. She kept ignoring me and threatening to go to the cops. I had no choice, Mo. I couldn’t risk her going to the police. I also couldn’t risk her killing herself with some bad shit. After the first time, I told her that I wouldn’t do it anymore. She refused to listen. She said that she would tell everything. She made me swear not to tell you. I was put in a bad situation, Mo, and again, I am sorry,” Shaniqua continued.
“Is there anything I can do?” Shaniqua asked.
“Shaniqua, I don't want you to do anything for me or my family. I think you have done enough already,” I screamed as I took off the ring and through it at her.
My visit with Shaniqua ended abruptly. I couldn’t sit and listen to anything else she had to say. After I said my peace, I walked out and left her sitting at the table. I didn't know what hurt more, Shaniqua lying to me or my sister’s habit. Alexis got involved with something I was slinging. Mama would be so disappointed if she saw what was going on. I was torn between emotions. I didn’t know what to do. I went back to the house and chilled. My thoughts were occupied with my sister and the conversation I had with Shaniqua.
“What was my next step? How am I going to take care of this?” I asked myself.
My only concern was getting Alexis out of trouble before she got any deeper. I sat there wondering what my sister was thinking. What was she feeling when she got high? I pulled out a vial and looked at it. I didn’t understand how a small bottle like this could destroy so many lives. I took the cap off of the bottle and poured some on the tip of my finger. It tasted like baking soda and there was no smell to it. I put some of it on the back of my hand and sniffed it. A few seconds later, strange things started happening. I felt light headed and silly. My mind had drifted somewhere else. The funny thing was, I thought I was sitting there with my mother drinking Henny and holding a conversation with her. I knew I was tripping, I didn’t care, I was in a safe place and I had my mother there to protect me. That was the day I realized why so many people were addicted to heroin.
Hours passed and I must have finished off at least five bottles. My body was numb and I felt nothing emotionally. There was no pain from my mother’s death, her making me have an abortion, the group home or what Shaniqua had done. I felt better then ever. Nothing was going to take away how I felt. Not even my sister and her problem. I found something that made me escape the pain, just like Alexis did, and I loved every minute of it.
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